“Parents learn a lot from their children about coping with life.”
– Muriel Spark
I suspect that there is a point in the educational process where parents realise that they can’t provide all of the answers to the homework that has been set. This is a big moment in the relationship between parent and child. It was for me a point at which I had to tell myself that I would influence my children’s development to a lesser extent. It is a scary moment as a parent, for letting go is never easy.
Currently, parents of Year 11 and Year 13 pupils are having to watch their children go off to face the trials of the exam hall. When it comes to the assessment processes of GCSE and A level, the system remains rooted in the traditions of the Nineteenth Century: big rooms, pens, paper and nothing to support further than the revision that has been completed. Parents can’t step in to assist as pupils face the challenge of exams, they can’t support directly and many will feel a little frustrated that their natural instincts as parents are foiled. Make no mistake, both A levels and GCSEs remain a stern challenge – when was the last time that you had to be responsible for two years’ worth of knowledge without recourse to the internet and AI? Sitting exams, being responsible for learning, remains important.
There is a fine line to be walked when we consider this amount of support and challenge that parents give to children. It is made more difficult because some children require more support than others – just as there is no parental handbook, there is no one-size-fits-all policy. It is probably important that children experience autonomy and personal responsibility before they face the rigour of the exam hall, and we as a school hope to provide this both in and out of the classroom. Take the forthcoming trips to the Alps for Key Stage 3. I’d advocate for pupils packing their own kit for the week (with parental oversight). Packing for your child may well be quicker and more convenient, but it does not have the same learning outcome. When they are living in the dormitory in the Ecrins, they need to know what they have with them and indeed how to pack for the return trip!
Maria Montessori famously produced a list of jobs that could be completed by children at various ages. I suspect that the list would look different these days, but the underlying principle remains the same – we shouldn’t do everything for our young people. Rather we should provide the opportunities for learning and development through a gradual and appropriate shifting of responsibility from parent to young person.
Before leaving school, our older pupils have to build flat pack furniture as part of their preparation for university, that is certainly a responsibility I’d be willing to devolve if given the chance!
