“We must accept life for what it actually is – a challenge to our quality without which we should never know of what stuff we are made, or grow to our full stature.”
Robert Louis Stevenson
I’d heard of the helicopter parent, but the curling parent was a new one on me. The helicopter parent is one who is regarded as hovering above their child, micromanaging and monitoring every action and activity. No doubt helicopter parents have their children’s best interests at heart but are sometimes thought to hinder the development of resilience. Danish psychologist Bent Hougaard coined the term “Curling Parents” to refer to those parents who try to sweep away all obstacles so that their child can go through life without the slightest bump. They continually make sure that nothing is interfering with or negatively affecting their child. There is a fine line between doing all you can for a child and doing too much.
All parents should do all they can to ensure that their children are supported to succeed, but we as parents have to accept that not everyone can achieve the best grades, win races, make the team or be the lead in the show. It is perhaps more important to celebrate all levels of participation, being the best at whatever it is we are doing. Being part of the chorus in a show may lack the glamour of taking the lead, but it is an important role and without the chorus there wouldn’t be much of a show.
We endeavour to provide opportunity for character development in all that we do. Character encompasses high performance (excellence) and other virtues such as community and empathy. It is important that pupils recognise that whatever they do they should do their best and that they do well to consider what success looks like in each individual activity. Comparison is, as Roosevelt once said, “the thief of joy”, success is about what they can do, not what others have done. Our young people live in a challenging environment where they are bombarded with airbrushed, enhanced and untrue images of what success looks like. We as parents and as teachers need to allow young people to make age-appropriate decisions, deal with a range of problems they may face, to negotiate for themselves and to deal with failure positively. If we don’t we run the risk of allowing our young people to be anxious, unsure, entitled, or unable to deal with the challenges of life. In short if challenge is encountered and met with support, we aid this all-important development.
I’m off with the Silver Duke of Edinburgh’s International Award group this coming week. I’m pleased to say that these young people are going to have to deal with a range of challenges, not least the pouring rain that is forecast. They will have ups and downs, they will encounter problems, and they will, I’m sure, succeed. More importantly along the way they will acquire a practical wisdom that can only come from experience.
Nicholas Hammond
Headmaster
